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The Event of Life

by Geethika Sodhi
(Ghaziabad, India)

As someone who has seen extremes of life and love and has epitomised sacrifice and unconditional love all her life only to get in return a love that suited narratives and comfort zones of those who claimed it, I have seen all the banks of the rivers all the shores of the seas and realised that they all look the same and the only difference is in what time we go to them and with whom.


The only love I crave today is the love of the audience I stand in front of as a trainer. Eighteen years of being a training professional on the podium finishing everytime with an applause and a total of twenty nine years of being on the podium and finishing with an applause, let the only love I get be the love that never stopped coming in all these years.

The love of those who applauded for me when I was 11 and of those who do when I am 40 because what I said on the mic changed or touched their life. A shallow world runs behind numbers. Let me think how many people would have clapped for me to date? No clue! Never mattered.

I was always too busy in learning unlearning and relearning and doing everything I could to ensure that whether 5 people listen to me 50 or 500 I must speak the truth and touch souls. While I see a world deprived and starved of love I stand on the other end feeling thankful for being abundantly loved by one man and still feeling abandoned for never being picked as a priority over his family.

I spent years loving unconditionally, giving, sacrificing and taking pride only to one day find that I forgot to choose myself. And when I did all that stood on the base of my one sided unconditional love came down tumbling.

But this time I didn’t want to try, look back, want anyone or anything. The bitterness within needed back the long lost stillness. And this time I wanted to choose the love that made me the happiest. Love in those eyes I touched through my trainings.

Not of fame or of algorithms. I would never be that materialistic. But of healed lives. When I die I must leave behind a legacy of love. So that in ages to come if someone loves like me they are made a priority and not an option made to appear in scrutinised spaces because the one in love had families to please.

I want to leave the legacy of hearts filled with trust with beauty of unconditional love of reciprocated love. A world where love is never destroyed. I want to beat in the millions of hearts for centuries to come not with my name or their familiarity with me but simply as Empathy that understands, sensitivity that holds together and love that builds. They say every dream seen with a pure heart is manifested. I agree well!

Whoever I wished for, loved me, whatever I wished for found me, Whenever I looked for it, it showed up, Wherever I wanted to go, it pulled me. I have manifested and sometimes got what I wanted but only poisoned.

I want to leave a legacy of manifestation of purity of true intentions of compassion.

How will I do that with all this bitterness in my heart? Here listen to me! This bitterness is because of the bruises those I loved gave me in places where I was hurting. If they could dream of doing it they didn’t deserve the love in the first place. All this bitterness is only for those who cut me just because I was soft enough to be put on the knife.

This bitterness is my protection from those that my attachment takes me to pulling triggers of my temperament and basic nature to forget to forgive and not keep grudges. This bitterness is my shield against my own emotions that succumb and forget they had to be protected. This bitterness is a warning sign for those who destroyed and disappointed me that I am not available for insulting accidents ever again because till I stayed I fought with times fate and world for “us”.

This bitterness is what keeps intact my love compassion and connect with those that I train and get applauses from not letting me bleed on what didn’t cut me.

This bitterness comes with a lot of guilt when those who kept destroying you try to change and you still continue being bitter, a lot of guilt when you choose yourself, a lot of guilt when you speak politely to the world but not to people you were once connected or attached to. And the only answer to that guilt is - Time will heal the guilt and you choosing you would ultimately become the happiest uncompromising choice of your life.

And the shadows and fears would vanish and you will close the event of life with your best lines and the loudest applause.

अब ख़ुद से बस इतनी सी मोहब्बत करनी है के जब ज़िंदगी का पर्दा गिरे तो तालियाँ बजती रहनी चाहिए।

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