Telebrands Turmoil

by Padmaja
(Bangalore)

I have always been attracted to sales, all types, exhibition cum sale, discount sale or any other sale for that matter! My sister was worse than me, ‘Buy two get one free ads’ would catapult her to the venue.

It was funny actually, our husbands would say that sales were a gimmick to lure customers, they just hike prices double and sell at 50% less thus, losing nothing in the bargain. But still we both would land up at all sales. Later telebrand became the rage.

My sister purchased a lot of stuff which she couldn’t actually use so the pile of unwanted materials increased in her storeroom to which her husband joked “I will be joining stuff the in that room soon”! But we sisters continued to be lured by sales and telebrands.

My two telebrand purchases were a disaster. Sometime in the year 2002 the slicer had caught on. German technology blade, no risk,no cut, fast like magic droned the TV. It had a cap like thing on top so that the hands were safe. I was totally hooked. I thought of all the lovely slices of carrot, cabbage, cucumber and onion, thin mooli slivers, the chips I would make, all the Chinese and the salads….......ooh …...!

Without telling my husband I called up the toll free number and booked one. I waited anxiously for the slicer to arrive.

The slicer arrived and my daughter was the one who wanted to inaugurate it. We washed the apparatus gingerly so that the cap wasn’t harmed, “what a sweet cap mama”, said my little daughter, putting it on her head and prancing about. “Don’t drop it,” I screamed “The blades are sharp”.

My indulgent hubby sauntered in and prophesied, “It will go phat in a moment”. I glared at him. I looked at the gleaming white slicer and the razor sharp blades and the cute cap. It looked pretty handsome and sturdy to me.

I placed a potato under the cap and placed the cap with the potato over the blade, the German technology sharp blade and my daughter scraped.

We all waited for the first slices to tumble out as shown on TV. The potato stuck obstinately where it was but the top of the cap came off and the entire thing slipped. Instead of the potato getting sliced in paper thin slices my daughter’s palm went under the blade. She screamed and dropped the pesky thing and there was blood all over the place, “Oh my God,” I cried and there were tears all around. It was thankfully only a surface wound. My husband tried not to look too gleeful but he had a satisfied ‘I told you’ look on his face.

Anyway the cut was not too deep, some savlon and a bandage took care of that. The slicer found a place in my sister’s store room.

For six years I didn’t buy anything from any telebrands though I was sorely tempted to buy the rocket mixie but one look from my hubby and I didn’t dare.

But the Nicer dicer was something else. Blimey---- did it really do all the things it said it did? Veggies for soups and salads and pastas and cheese and mushrooms in such even sized pieces? If I had one of those I wouldn’t have to struggle to cut my aviyal pieces.
I was going to order one come what may. I picked up the receiver and ordered I would be getting a peeler free and if I paid by card a 10% discount too. Voila!I whipped out my card and placed the order.

It was 28th May 2009.The Nicer dicer arrived after a couple of phone calls to the courier service. I signed with a flourish and took the Nicer dicer inside the house and into the kitchen. My mind soared like a bird. Now for some magic. My daughters had married and no longer stayed with me but they had warned me to be careful, “Remember the last one ” they asked.I did,I did.

The day of judgment dawned. I took an onion and placed it on the smaller blade, fixed it properly and pressed down. In the ads the blade went smoothly through the onion and even, diced pieces fell into the cup.

My onion refused to budge. I pressed down gently. It made a funny creaking noise, oh my God. If I pressed harder it could break. I tried a few more half hearted pushes. The stubborn onion stuck to the blade and would neither go down or come out. I was frantic by now. Move damn it I cursed to no avail. It remained where it was. Finally I poked it out and stared. The blades had become crooked. The onion retained its original shape. My eyes watered. At that moment hubby dear walked in.

The Nicer dicer is now nicely lodged in, you guessed it my sister’s store room and I am petrified that we will be locked inside too by our respective husbands!

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