Bad Moms

by Devyani Bisht
(Mumbai, India)

As a mother of two, I've often faced moments of delusion and confusion, sometimes helplessness, and a lot of times awe at the mothers all around me ... I wonder if what and how much I do as a mom is enough or not, right or not ... From mommies in my daughters whatsapp class group, to mommies in the vicinity, to mommies in the family, there's such a variety of them.

Each trying to prove a point somewhere, each making another feel less about what they do for their children and what you don't ... And somewhere, it's never enough ...I've had mothers who've asked me "Oh, you go to work, don't you feel guilty about leaving your kids to domestic help?" Or "Oh, you have such a great life, you live alone and you do what you want, kids are taken care of, but oh don't you feel bad about not doing anything for them?"

And yet there's one who never fails to ask me, "Oh, I always wonder how you manage everything alone ... I can't imagine living a life like yours", when I first heard that I almost flipped, but I actually felt so sorry for her ... to think so less of yourself requires some amount of energy! But anyway my dear to you I'd like to say "Buckle up, we women are born superwomen by God's grace" And to the other bunch of mommies I say ... “No, my lovelies, I do not feel guilty."

"Guilty for what"? "What is it that you do for your children and I don't? Or merely the fact that I actually do everything for my children, from sending them to school, to making their tiffins, to cooking their meals, to cleaning up after them, to making them do their homework to being there for them emotionally and telling them I love them for no reason a zillion times a day ... and yet at the end of it I still manage to have a life of my own is perhaps what irks a lot of people ... And the whole idea of making someone feel miserable for having a little life of their own seems so bizarre to me ... I mean people, we became mothers out of choice, to love nurture and raise our children as good human beings, but whoever said you had to give up on yourself?

Who said we need to be helicopter mommies all the time?... To be constantly hovering on our children and the only topic of discussion even socially? Don't they need their own space and pace to grow, to be like children and experience childhood instead of getting into a rat race of a perpetual competition?

When I happened to watch "Bad Moms" today, it's such a great feeling to find at least a few people who think on similar lines ... And I'd rather be a Bad Mom than a stuck up one actually ...So loosen up mummy's ...and be happy to raise happy kids ... From my limited experience as a mom, I know that children identify and relate to the identity of their moms ... It brings them far more clarity than a lost and disoriented mother who's lost herself being a mom.

Motherhood is an extension of that identity, it's for us lucky women to enhance our lives but not to put pressure on a simple thing like "living life."
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