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When Sahiba Fainted..

by Geetika Sodhi Lohan
(Ghaziabad, India)

Sahiba lived her whole life in a family with extreme patriarchal boundaries and despite her love for her father and vice versa failed to do all she ever wanted to. She had been raised to believe that her prince charming would fulfil all her dreams and she could do everything she wanted to, when she got married. She had been made to believe that the boundaries set against her were only but an effort to "preserve" her for her future husband so that he could give her all that she ever dreamt of.


Sahiba had woven amazing dreams inspired by bollywood and had decided on all she wanted to do when she would get married to this "settled" man, she had been "preserved" for since years. No one had ever told her that marriage wasn't cake walk rather had to include a lot of responsibility understanding and at times pressures and adjustments. No one had told her that they were not "preserving" her but their own mentality of not allowing freedom to the girl of the house. No one had ever told her that they had social fears to face. Fooling her on the name of "husband" was the easiest way out for everyone.
As she got married her box of pandora popped open and money her husband had polished the dreams she had seen ever since.

But life isn't a fairy tale. It gets worse for the women who are raised with fake dreams and not allowed to experience life before marriage. Their expectations want life to be a Ranveer-Deepika fairy tale while it turns out to be a real life with limited resources, a good family with responsibility of in laws, a loving husband who also expects you to cook for him because he is earning and has a day too tired for him to come back and cook for you. Basically life is not as exciting as it shows in the bollywood masala magazines.

Sahiba soon after an amazing honeymoon, which she clearly boasted off, realised she was pregnant. That was the first time her dreams had shattered. If she conceived in the first year of marriage how would she fulfil the list she had set for first two years of marriage.
The whole year passed experiencing how she had to face her own problems her self because even if the others could support they couldn't live her problem. Gradually her frustration mounted up and started venting out on the most available people - her in laws. The happy family started breaking up. Her inlaws became scarred though they never complained to their son or even to Sahiba. Sahiba would often tell her husband to not meet his sister and would try to forbid him from doing anything for his mother or father. She started spending more time at her own house and hardly remained at in her inlaws place, with some fake excuse or the other. Her child being too young never became a hurdle.

Her dreams had turned to responsibilities which had further gone wrong and had turned to feminism. Hell broke when one of the evenings Sahiba's narcissism took over and she began to project herself as Kali and threatened her inlaws of bringing misery to them. The family had never anticipated their son's marriage and their love for their son in law could make them encounter so much. The condition worsened when the neighbourhood got alarmed and started gathering. Sahiba who had lost complete control stood cursing the family and telling them constantly, "I am Kali. I am a feminist and you can not use me to cook for you. I am a feminist and I will destroy all of you like Kali. I am Kali."

Sahiba fainted due to probably a shoot up of the blood pressure. Sahiba's husband, Salil, who was genuinely a nice liberal man, unlike Sahiba's own father who had curfewed her on the name of "Being safe", rushed her to the hospital where she was taken to ICU. Sahiba in an unconscious slumber saw
a white plain which had snow all around. She felt as if she was walking past everything to a black dark figure that stood awaiting her. (While she appeared nearly dead to Salil and the doctors outside).

"Who are you? This gigantism isn't earthly, " enquired Sahiba.

I am Kali. The real Kali.
As Kali turned to Sahiba she started trembling on the mere sight of the luminous face which emitted an energy Sahiba could barely absorb.

"Maa, is that you? Am I dreaming? Why am I here? Have I died?"

Maa Kali smiled. "No Sahiba you haven't died. Off lately I have heard you saying a lot of times "I am Kali" to show strength against your husband and inlaws. I brought you here to talk about that. I am happy that you believe in my strength and want your strength to be like that. But please stop comparing yourself to me when you fight with your inlaws."

Sahiba petrified.

Maa Continued. "I see a lot of women use my name to denote feminism which is suppose to fear the evil done by men but is actually is being misused even against the men who are good husbands and in laws. I have no intention to interfere in the evolution but you are my devotee and I want you to know the truth at least.

I am Kali, the fiery one but I became Kali to "protect" my husband from the monsters and not to fight against my husband. I became Kali to preserve my children from evil. I became Kali to preserve everyone related to my Husband. Like you have your inlaws, these 'ganas' are my family. Not as civilized as your in laws rather extremely brutal and irritating at times. But they are my family and I must preserve them. You have everything but still you are unhappy because you fail to accept the truth that you were deprived due to the lies your own parents spoke to you. You are unhappy because you saw unrealistic dreams. You are unhappy because you never loved your husband and family and all you loved was yourself and the freedom you were not given on the name of a man you knew nothing about.

You are not Kali. You cannot be. Because Kali left her father's kingdom to live with a Yogi who didn't even have an abode. Kali learnt all the arts so that she could feed her kids. Kali became a spiritualist from an ordinary princess and took 108 rebirths to be able to become able enough for her Shiv. I did not become Kali because I was fierce. My sacrifices for my husband's family make me Kali."

Sahiba felt a painful jerk. The efforts to save her had begun in the hospital.

Ma knew that time was running out. "I can't keep you for long. Just that, you are suffering because of being blinded to truth. And next time do not call your self Kali. "

Ma smiled and a storm rose between Sahiba and the Infinite, amid which she felt her second jerk and soon after the third and as if a dream broke waking her up suddenly. Sahiba came to senses.

Salil stood there thanking God. After recovery as she returned to her family she realised that her in laws had left the place to live in their village. Her experience with Maa Kali and her own actions of the past flushed her with guilt. Within a week she got them back apologised and lived happily ever after that, as Sahiba, and not as Kali.

Today a lot of women display fake feminism on the name of Maa Kali and that too against the same family they are married in to and many a times for all the wrong reasons. Not all inlaws are bad. Not all daughter in laws are bad. And marriage is possible only if we decide to live with acceptance instead of complaining and rejection. High time we stop ruining Maa Kali's image to project fake feminism.

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